Warning: GaSR (Skoodge and Gaz) and ZaDR smooching with mentions of ZaDR MPREG. If you no likey, then you no readey. Also, while I am aware that Dib and Gaz do not have last names since Membrane is the first name of the professor, I’m going with the fan community’s decision to overlook this canon fact.
Disclaimer: I own neither Invader Zim nor the fic. on which this story is based. All rights belong to Jhonen Vasquez and Invader Aqua respectively. If you haven’t read “Against the Odds” you need to in order to understand anything that follows in my story. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2567760/1/ My story picks up between Ch. 17A and 18A, and will continue after the events in 18A.
Description: Approximately nine years ago Zim was contacted by the Tallests and conscripted into the fight against the alliance between the Resisty and the Warcian race. After a devastating war that left the Irken Empire in absolute ruin, Zim and Skoodge are the last known Irkens in the entire universe and have come to call Earth home. But their peace on Earth with Dib and Gaz is short lived when the Warcian flagship arrives to finish what they had begun. Now homeless again, Skoodge, Gaz, Zim and Dib must decide their next move. ZaDR and eventually GaSR.

                                            ALIEN FUGITIVES
                                          Chapter 4: Authority

     “First I shall perform role call. Let’s see… Irken Invader Zim?”
     “…”
     “Veeery good. Present and accounted for. Mistress Gaz Membrane?”
     “Hrrr.”
     “Check. All right who’s left? Ah,… Dib?”
     “Skoodge, this is stupid. Of course I’m here. This place is so small where else could I possibly go?”
     “Now now Dib, a little professionalism never did any harm.” Skoodge said as he tapped his claw on the top sheet of paper upon which all of their names were written.  
     Dib huffed and crossed his arms across his chest. He knew damn well what was going on. Skoodge was deliberately doing this as payback for his comment about the shorter alien’s intentions with his sister. Besides suddenly becoming anal retentive in the extreme he had also started to simply refer to the young man as “Dib” whereas he, without fail, was referring to everyone else by their title and full name. Zim was “Invader Zim”, Gaz was “Milady” or “Mistress Gaz Membrane”. Hell, he was even referring to himself as “Invader Skoodge”. Sometimes he even listed his achievements and rank such as “Invader General” or “Conqueror of Blorch”. But Dib was “Dib”. Just Dib. Skoodge was doing it to subvert his authority and generally make him feel like an upstart soldier; and despite the fact that he could divine all of this he seemed powerless to stop the Invader’s plan from working spectacularly. Skoodge just knew how to make him so mad! If he made a huge scene he would look like a brat, but doing nothing to defend his pride was slowly killing him! “So that’s his game.” Dib thought with a mental growl. “He’s going to kill me by making me implode with indignation! Well Skoodge, I’m not giving you the satisfaction.” Dib’s mood was only made all the worse by the childish realization that no matter how much he protested and how lethal he made his glare the shortest crew member wouldn’t quit it or drop dead. With as much will as he could muster Dib twisted up his mouth and leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees. Skoodge lifted his nonexistent eyebrows and gave the paranormal investigator a bored look before clearing his throat and setting his clipboard primly on his thigh.
     “I now call to order the first general meeting of the Voot Cruiser: The Flaming Ham.”
     Oh, now that wasn’t fair. “…The Flaming Ham?”
     “Yes, ‘The Flaming Ham’. A dangerous name for an intimidating craft piloted by the most accomplished Invader the Irken Empire has ever produced!” Skoodge finish with a shout and struck a pose that would have made a Spartan proud. His pen had become a spear raised to the sky in his balled fist, the agenda for the meeting was clutched to his chest in a domineering and protective way (well, as best as he could do with his arm in a sling anyway), and his left foot was planted atop a gray supply box with the Irken symbol emblazed in red on the side. It was a sight to remember. It was an image to immortalize! It was…
     “That’s stupid.”
     “You’re stupid!”
     “How is ‘The Flaming Ham’ even remotely cool and frightening?!”
     “Ham is meat! Such eeevil meat it is too. And fire is painful! It consumes and expunges impurities! It makes things crispy! The two combined form a potent and truly deadly combination.” Skoodge sneered and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Sure, if Dib were to get up from his position on the floor he would have a good foot and a half on the shorter male, but since Dib didn’t seem inclined to move himself from his comfortable nest of towels, flattened boxes and packing peanuts Skoodge planned to take every opportunity to assert himself while he still held the temporary advantage of height over the annoying earthling. The first order of business was to make sure the young man knew who was in charge of this situation while Zim seemed to be acting weirder than usual.
     BAM! “Everyone shut the hell up and sit back down! You’re both stupid. There, problem solved.” The shock of Gaz’s outburst froze everyone in their tracks. Even Zim had stopped glancing nervously around in favor of gluing his wide red eyes on the enraged young woman. No one blinked. No even appeared to be breathing. Gaz held each of the bickering men in her narrowed gold gaze; in turn daring them to disobey her demand for order and silence. Dib knew from experience that to rebel against a command from Gaz could prove deadly. Even though her weapon of choice no longer existed, a Pow™ baseball bat with her record etched into the metal shaft, Dib didn’t want to become another statistic in her running tally. He quickly averted his gaze and sat back down. Skoodge didn’t back off so fast. Whether it was because he wasn’t as quick on the uptake with regard to the hovering threat of an ass whooping or because he felt he had something to prove, he withstood the earthling’s gaze for about seven seconds longer than Dib before he began to fidget with the loose threads on his arm’s dressings.     
     “Right.” Skoodge scuffed his toe. “So, ah, right. Back to business.” He waited until Gaz had returned to her seat on the floor, rearranged the smeets and given him a nod before continuing in a much more professional and less pompous tone. That didn’t mean that he spared them any of the details that he had compiled and organized for the meeting. A solid fifteen minutes were spent relating the ship’s condition; another nine were dedicated solely to the engines and their tri-hourly rate of fuel consumption.
     “So, as I’m sure you are all aware of now, we have plenty of fuel and oxygen.” He flipped his notes open to the next page. “We also have enough food to sustain us until we can resupply.” Dib glanced at the back wall and pulled a face at the boxes of irken rations and snacks barely visible in the low, sickly purple light of the ship. Irken food was pretty good considering it was all sugar, salt, starch and fat infused. An irken could easily survive on it indefinitely, but for a human having nothing but the unhealthiest, cancer and diabetes-inducing parts of the food pyramid for all meals was nauseating. “Taking everything into account our situation won’t pose a problem for us,” Skoodge gestured to himself and Zim, “but it will be a problem for you.” Skoodge looked at Dib and Gaz with a concerned expression. “It’ll be three days before we get to Nari Dean, and without proper hydration I’m afraid that neither of you will make it.”
                                                              ~*~*~*~
  
     “So, yeahhh…” Skoodge took another quick look at his notes as if to make sure he hadn’t made a mistake. The facts still hadn’t changed. “Yeah, our biggest concern is what we are going to do for the two of you.”
     Dib’s face had gone ashen as Skoodge’s statement sunk in. He couldn’t believe it. After all they had been through; to die of dehydration would be so unfair! Gaz’s thoughts were along the same line. She was simply not going to die right after dropping the air of indifference that she had cultivated all her life, her pride simply wouldn’t allow it! When she went it was going to be as a fighter, not as a dry, shriveled up victim of circumstance! Gaz wore a tired but serious expression as she looked at Skoodge through her thick lashes, dangling, lank hair and smudged makeup. She looked horrible and frightening, but that was the way she liked it. When facing with an impossible situation a disheveled appearance with a cold approach always helped to hide any disfiguring panic.   
     “There really is no water on the whole ship? At the very least enough to have a drink and take a sponge bath with? It’s really starting to smell in here.” Gaz finished with a disgusted curl of her lip and a slated glance at Dib, as if the fact that the two humans couldn’t use the irken’s cleansing chalk because it had nearly ripped their water rich epidermis’ off was all Dib’s fault. Her brother merely raised an eyebrow and chose not to state the obvious flaw in that logic.
     Skoodge gently cleared his throat with the intention of interjection that a bath would be the least of their worries, but Gaz didn’t give him the chance. She knew perfectly well that drinking water was a much higher priority, but being obstinate was part of her nature. With a growl to show what an inconvenience it was not to get her way, she quickly snarled, “My stupid brother and I can forgo the baths, but we still need something to drink. And none of that syrupy crap you irkens seem to love.”
     Skoodge nodded and “I know. It’s unfortunate that the water content within the liquids we have is too small to supplement both of your needs. I suppose, if it comes down to it,” Skoodge closed his eyes and repressed a gag until he could continue, “both of you could… drink your…”
     “No.”
     “You may not have any other choice.”
     “No!”
     “Look, it’s disgusting, but since we don’t really have another option…”
     “Then think of something!” Gaz roared. Getting up to her full height she towered over Skoodge and bared her teeth. As for the poor irken, he had the immediate urge to grovel as he would have done to either of the Tallests. He could swear that Gaz seemed to grow in the low lighting as her hair simultaneously stiffened to an even sharper curl. The watery surface of her eyes in conjecture with the pale starlight shining through the windshield made the whites of her sunken human orbs look as if they were glowing out from the deep shadows on her face. The effect of the earth girl’s presence and the atmosphere of the ship made for a truly intimidating nightmare. Skoodge couldn’t help feeling like he was facing down the Hogulous all over again. At these moments he even asked himself why he was romantically pursuing such a dangerous creature.
     Biting the inside of his cheek he resisted the urge to hide and instead kept his eyes locked with hers as he desperately tried not to fidget. Gaz wouldn’t be impressed by any signs of weakness, and if he could prove himself to be as formidable as she was, then maybe she would regard him with a more favorable eye. If only she could see how powerful they would be together. With considerable effort Skoodge slowly straightened his back and stood up tall to better weather Gaz’s tirade.
     “Neither one of us is going to do something so revolting! Figure something out or we’ll drink your blood when we get thirsty!”
Gaz had no idea if that would be the equivalent of drinking poison or not, but it was a pretty effective threat. Skoodge definitely got the message loud and clear. As Gaz watched his eyes grew so large they looked like they might fall out of his head. At the same time his body posture once again melted into the flight or fight position. He looked like he was going to bolt, but in such a small ship there would be nowhere to go and nowhere to hide if Gaz decided to pursue him. How had GIR managed to conceal himself so well? Maybe he would be willing to share his secret with the ex-invader if he wasn’t able to appease this apparently blood thirsty human.   
     Skoodge looked at Zim, hoping that the other soldier would be able to offer any suggestions. Unfortunately for him, Zim didn’t even look up. He wasn’t even paying attention to their exchange. The irken’s glassy red eyes seemed to be permanently fixed with an unreadable expression upon the smeets as they slept soundly by their father. The tiniest niggling of annoyance began to form in Skoodge’s squeedilyspooch as he realized that the entire situation was on him.  
     With some effort Skoodge shifted the clipboard under his bandaged arm so that he could better chew on the tip of his clawed index finger. Mindless actions had always helped him to think clearly, which was especially necessary in his line of work. It was a bad habit that he had never quite been able to break himself of, despite numerous reprimands from his superiors. He’d tried many times and had nearly stopped completely by the Great Assigning of Impending Doom II, but when his assignment had come down from the Tallests he had immediately lost all of his progress. From then on his biting had only gotten worse leading up to and during his time on Blorch. So here he was, nibbling his finger down again despite his earlier resolve not to show weakness. He would have time to be angry with himself later. Gaz’s brother was his best friend’s mate, but he doubted that social connections would stop her from pummel him for not coming up with an idea. He needed to focus.
     Once again the ship descended into the uncomfortable white noise of the engines and the hum of electricity shooting through the filaments of the emergency lighting system. Occasionally someone would shift to get more comfortable, the steady low beep of the autopilot would remind everyone that it was engaged, and a faint clicking followed by a high pitched giggle could be heard emanating from an unknown location, but other than that it was the kind of tense silence that could drive a person insane. Thankfully the Voot’s crew never let it last. This time it was a proud exclamation from Skoodge that broke the monotony.
     Dib and Gaz had been watching in silent fascination as Skoodge slowly turned in a tight circle to scan the entirety of the ship’s interior. The quiet crunching of his zipper teeth nibbling at the hard tip of his finger and the constant quick motion of his eyes had held their attention as if he were a puzzle with half the pieces taken from another set. So rapt were they to his odd demeanor that they both jerked when his face lit up and he let out an excited yelp.
     Squaring his shoulders Skoodge felt the old pride of being such a good soldier come flooding back to him. With a smug expression and a self important pose he turned back to the two humans. “I think I may just have another solution.”
                                                              ~*~*~*~

     The simplicity of the plan seemed to have doomed them from the start. After Skoodge had turned back to his audience he had explained at length how he had been asking himself, “Where could there be water?” and “Where would a potential cache hide?” Then it had hit him, all they would need to do was pull up the floor!  When he had said this he gave them a look as though he was expecting applause, but after a pregnant pause his proposition had instead been met with shouts, demands for explanations and questions of his sanity. When the cacophony of noise erupted from the human occupants of the vessel, Skoodge had simply scoffed and jogged over to the pilot’s chair. Throwing himself onto the seat he carelessly tossed his notes to the side and began using his good hand to feel around under the lip of the consol. Even as the questions and accusations continued to ring out within the small space of the ship Skoodge remained focused on his task until his face lit up in a triumphant smile and he leapt up brandishing his prize. It looked like copper tubing an inch thick that had been looped several times around a can of spray paint, but when Skoodge flipped back a square flat portion of metal just before the pinched end of the piping, a brilliant blue flame leapt up from its tip. He hadn’t waited to explain what he was doing, and before the stunned faces of all of the crew, he knelt down in the center of the floor and proceeded to carve a path through the thick purple metal. He had only gotten a few inches before Dib swooped in from behind to lift Skoodge into a crushing bear hug while Gaz snatched the flame away.
     “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
     “Ow! You don’t need to screech Dib! Your mouth is right against my antennae.”
     “Lighting a flame in an oxygen rich environment, making holes in the hull, have you gone completely insane? Is your idea to kill us through asphyxiation so that we won’t need to worry about water anymore?”
     Skoodge rolled his eyes at the humans’ dramatics. “First of all this isn’t an oxygen rich environment. There is oxygen, but not enough to cause the ship to combust unless you stuck the flame straight into the air control. Second, in order to even get near the air control you would have to peel back from of the floor, which I was in the process of doing before you grabbed me!”
     “You’re not making me want to let you go Skoodge.”
     To everyone’s surprise it was Zim who spoke up next. In the commotion everyone had forgotten he was there, but now he was standing next to Gaz with an outstretched hand. “Give me the lighter. And Skoodge, explain to them what you are planning before they shoot you out of the airlock.”
     Gaz gave Zim a hard look before she nodded her head and carefully handed over the flame. As Zim flipped the metal back into place the flame extinguished itself, leaving a trail of white smoke curling out of the mouthpiece. He gingerly walked back over to his seat and set the lighter upright next to his leg. Skoodge loudly cleared his throat and in a very petulant voice asked Dib to be so kind as to put him down.  
     “Alright, listen.” Skoodge commanded tersely as he did his best to smooth out his hiked up uniform and compose himself after being so rudely interrupted. “I need to make a small hole in the floor so that I can get to the machinery comprising the air purifier. This ship was designed with irken passengers in mind, so the system was configured to make the air as dry as possible by sucking out any moisture that could condense on the metal surfaces, short circuit any of the electrics, freeze any of the ship’s exterior wiring, or make the air so humid that our respiratory systems would get burned. Moisture pulled out of the air is collected in a filter, but if I remove the filter and replace it with a catch basin then we can get the both of you some drinking water.” Personally, Skoodge was in such a foul mood after being grabbed and picked up that he didn’t care if Dib got any water at all. But on the other hand, killing her brother wouldn’t win him any points with Gaz, and his best friend was attached to the obnoxious human.
     “I thought you said that the oxygen in the purification system was concentrated enough that it was combustible? How is welding into it going to be a good idea?”
     And there was that same human once again being obtuse. He decided that humans, or at least Dib, were definitely trials in patience. They needed everything detailed to them, and yet they wanted immediate results. “The air control isn’t in the same place as the air purifier.” Skoodge wearily sighed. “The air control mixes the correct formula for breathable atmosphere after the old air has been sent through the air purifier in order to pull out harmful airborne chemical compounds. It’s not even located in the same part of the ship! So if you don’t mind, I would like to back to solving your problem.”    
     Dib nodded his understanding. If Skoodge felt put out about explaining his plan then that was too bad. Dib wasn’t about to be left out of the loop on something this important, and as a crew member he had every right to understand Skoodge’s plan and agree to it before any action was taken. From what the ex-invader had said it seemed like a sound plan, and now that Dib felt secure in that knowledge he retrieved the torch from Zim and held it out to Skoodge. With as much grace as his wounded pride would allow Skoodge took it, lit it, and went back to the floor to finish the operation. Everyone else, except for Zim, huddled around his hunched figure and waited.